Archives for posts with tag: death

but still it hurts I guess hurting means being alive and it’s what you do with it stuffing it kills you doesn’t it? stuffing your feelings kills you and you let it kill you because you can’t take the misery any more and you want out  all your hopes I just want us all to be together and be happy you said but that never happened did it  or it did but that was the night before the funeral and your body was cold in a box down the road jaw wired closed so it didn’t look like you that’s not me your voice said loud and clear when I wept at it that’s not me I heard I understood  we were together the night before the funeral we sat together and put music on sang along to it together your chair empty my brother with the baby on his knee we’d forgotten we hadn’t eaten for two days then we remembered and got a Chinese and demolished it me asking what was the last thing he ate? did he ever mention me ever? no   but he thought the world of you she said  yes he thought the world of you  we were together but we weren’t happy your body cold in a box  but we were united just for a while and that’s something  united in our shock and grief all together  yes before the funeral

where are you.JPG

bumbarrels cpt 2bumbarrels capt 1bumbarrels capt 3


wigs bexhill

seaside town chairty shop blues capt


murder painting

murder capture

Finland 2014 Cordelia 070

Pain was not afraid of death, only of unfulfilment.

eluned 2009 250



She had dreamt that her dog, an old greying border terrier bitch was being squeezed to death by a fluffy ginger and white guinea pig.

The seemingly cute, friendly rodent had jumped on the dog’s back and wrapping its legs around her body, began to tighten like a boa constrictor.

Normally, she didn’t go in for dream interpretation, but this time, when Pain awoke, she knew just exactly what the dream meant and she wasn’t going to ignore the warning.




Van Gogh was sexually repressed

I’m just going to lunge him for a bit

Rosemary never goes away

Van Gogh had epilepsy

He has laminitis

Rosemary has asthma

Van Gogh just wanted to be useful

It’s the spring grass shoots, full of nutrients

Rosemary keeps goats

Van Gogh felt empty

Starvation, yes, and keep him in

Rosemary lives in the same place

Van Gogh ate paint

Is the sand school occupied?

Rosemary wears an anorak

Van Gogh’s house was yellow


Rosemary’s house is in need of repair

Van Gogh felt the power of love flowing through him and through the world around him

It was over a boy

Rosemary sold the land but kept access

Van Gogh self-harmed

You can’t change the past, what’s done is done

Rosemary’s husband went bankrupt

Van Gogh shot himself in a field

Sometimes, when I run, I don’t want to stop, just keep running

Rosemary’s husband killed himself

Van Gogh drank absinthe

It’s such a waste

Rosemary’s daughter never smiles

Van Gogh had red hair

She was nineteen

Rosemary breeds miniature horses

Van Gogh did not die to make his paintings sell

She was going to be a good little florist

Rosemary stays outdoors all day

Van Gogh died in bed

We found out she was being bullied, we didn’t know

Rosemary drives an old jeep

man called horse


Richard Harris in ‘A Man Called Horse’

Cords from nipples

Strung up to the teepee roof

Strings like cosmic energy rays

The Trinity:

Nipple, nipple, cunt

Brain heart womb

Double trinity layout

Get layout

Double double chocolate, these are fabulous

Sex addict Food addict

NHS website morbidity; two stones over for height


Better than any meat injection

Little death

Petit mal

Black, lilac, purple, mint, fleshtone


Wrinkled skin

every baby lose a tooth

skin like paper

She’s transparent’, ‘I know your cousin’

my perfect cousin

blood’s thicker than water’

What does that mean?

Little death

Little death

Saturday night

Fizzy white

A film

And a little death




misty peony

She couldn’t go on grieving all her life,

It was time to put the past behind her.

The peonies were flowering now,

If they could bloom, then she could.

She must.